I turned 16 my sophomore year of high school. I hadn’t yet had my first real boyfriend but I had a lot of “guy” friends in my group. Most of my “girl” friends were girlfriends to someone. I always felt like the only one not wanted by a guy. And because I wasn’t saved and didn’t have an identity in Christ, this teenage crisis made a big impact on my life.
Fast forward almost 30 years, and I’m now raising my own 16 year old daughter. But one major difference between her and her mom is that she knows Jesus. But she’s still a girl with dreams and feelings. And her mom (me) spends a lot of time helping other grownups fix the pains of their past.
I’ve tried to model for her a life in love with Jesus. But she sees my imperfections. I’m not afraid of being transparent with her. My only wish for her has always been that she wouldn’t struggle with her identity as I did. So when I saw her recent Twitter post, I couldn’t stop smiling.
Attached to her post was this note:
so the other day I was listening to “Just the way you are” by Bruno Mars (serious throwback I know) and there’s a part in the chorus where he sings “when I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change cause you’re amazing just the way you are.” and I couldn’t help but think “dang I wish I had a guy who thought that about me.” but then I read in Song of Solomon in chapter 4 and it says “Behold you are beautiful, my love, you are beautiful! You are altogether beautiful; there is no flaw in you.” and it hit me! The way I wanted a guy to feel towards me, God already does! He thinks I’m beautiful and he is pursuing me everyday! I know sometimes we feel like the only way to feel fully cherished and beautiful is by a man but right there it talks about how God thinks you are flawless! you don’t have to have a man tell you you’re beautiful, because God created you flawlessly and he literally thinks you are “amazing just the way you are.” you don’t have to be perfect for anyone and especially not God; you just have to be you. God’s gonna bring you that “one guy” but in the meantime let Him show you how beautiful HE sees you.
Besides being so proud that she came to this revelation on her own (with the help of the Holy Spirit), I thought this is the result of a mama who found out who she was.
What I mean is, how can we expect our children to walk in Truth if we don’t? Paul said it best: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 John 1:4). Paul was speaking of his spiritual children, but he could make this statement because he walked in truth. In other words, because he had discovered his true identity and life in Christ, then it was automatic joy for him when he saw others find and live in the same truth he found.
I meet mamas all the time who struggle with their identity–mostly for the same reasons I did: too much past without an identity in Christ. The guilt, the pains, the regrets, all build a mold around us that’s sometimes hard to break free from as an adult… until you LEARN THE TRUTH about God’s amazing grace and forgiveness and healing!
My point is this: Mamas, you need to know WHO YOU ARE so your children will KNOW WHO THEY ARE. Is there any greater joy than to see your children walking in the truth? I don’t think so!
Without sounding like a pushy salesman, can I remind you again, you need Facing the Mirror: Finding a Self to Live With. You don’t have to wait and figure this out on your own. Let me help you. Do it for your kids. And remember, it’s never too late.