Spiritually Unequal Marriage

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Janis B asked 3 weeks ago

Hi Daphne,

First, thank you so much for this! I am really glad you are doing this for us all!

My question is this: I have always been Christian but I guess since my mother passed (five years ago on the 17th of this month) not long, perhaps the very next day I felt a change. I knew I had to get back to God, to really get back to church and feed my soul with things that matter. I feel so different and that is a good thing. My mother never lost her faith, not ever. Through her illness she always kept close to God and always told me to get back to church. Anyway, I am married almost 18 years, raised my two step-sons, and had married a man that I thought was wonderful. Things have changed since I am seeking God it seems. I don’t preach or push him to believe or go to church with me, but to make a long story short, my marriage has been horrible now. I feel like I have been pulled into a vortex which I have no control over. Everything is difficult in our marriage to say the least. I am so lost and hurt. Not sure what to do but pray for him and me and us. I am so discouraged. Not sure what to do and am looking for any kind of advice. Thank you so much again in advance.

3 Answers
Daphne Delay answered 3 weeks ago

You’re welcome Janis. I want to help if I can. I’ve been married 26 years and it’s not always been easy. I’ve learned a lot and God’s Word has been a huge help!

First, I’m so glad to hear of your renewed faith! That’s where we all have to start. Secondly, the difficulty in your marriage since making a new commitment to God is more normal than you realize. It’s not because of God, but because there’s an enemy to God’s plans! So you have to fight (the enemy) wisely.

Peter gave us this advice: "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear" (1 Peter 3:1-2). One translation says "if you play your cards right." In other words, keep living your faith without preaching. God is actually using it to minister to your husband although you’re not seeing the fruit of it yet. Change works from the inside-out.

I heard a story about Smith Wigglesworth that will encourage you. Before he became one of the greatest evangelists of our century, he wasn’t serving God and had no intention to. But his wife faithfully went to church and prayed for him. One night during a week of revival meetings, he was mad that she was going to church again and told her he’d lock her out of the house if she went. She sweetly said she needed to go and she went. Sure enough, he kept his word and when she came back the door was locked. This was in the early 1920s or 30s so the next morning he opened the door to let some sun inside. She had fallen asleep leaning on the door. When the door opened she fell in, but got up without saying a word, and just as if she had come from the bedroom any other morning, she said, "What would you like for breakfast Smithie?" He later said it was her behavior that convicted and changed him.

So my encouragement is, don’t give up. Believe that God is working through your kindness and acts of faith to minister to your husband. It sounds so simple, but remember you’re not fighting flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). You are fighting the one who wants to destroy your marriage. Your husband is not the enemy, so speak words of faith over your marriage and husband. Despite what it feels or looks like, SAY what you want it to be!

In the meantime, I would also recommend anything from Jimmy Evans at http://marriagetoday.com — his material, teachings, and videos are very helpful and inspiring. He has a lot of videos on YouTube as well.

Hope this helps!

Janis b answered 3 weeks ago

Dear Daphne,

Thank you for this!! I know you are right, it has been so very hard to say the least. Like I said above, I am so lost. I know that I can not do this alone, only God can help. Your words about God working through me however is something that I hadn’t thought of! I just am blown away by this statement.

Again, bless you and thank you!

Daphne Delay answered 3 weeks ago

You’re welcome. Keep the faith. Keep your eyes on God, not man. I believe a breakthrough is coming your way soon!

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