For all the mere moments we have before an audience, it is all the time alone with God that can add any substance to our message.
Your audience might be your child, your spouse, a coworker, or a small group having coffee together. An audience is defined as gathered spectators or listeners.
Who’s your audience?
Better yet, what are they observing or hearing from you?
The opening sentence was a thought I scribbled in my journal one morning. It’s no secret that I’m in ministry and often before an audience of varied sizes. But the substance of my life speaks long before I step in front of someone. And as I reflected on this thought, I was taken back in time to conversations with my children when they were very young (and later, in middle school or finishing high school about to start their own journey). I realized if I lost my audience at home, it doesn’t really matter who listens to me in the world.
I have a large banner in my home with a quote from Mother Teresa that says, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”
What I learned early on is, the only sure-fire way to influence my children (my “audience”) was for my life and message to match. And love must always be present.
I remember one time in particular when our oldest son was in junior high. There’s a big age gap between him and his siblings. We had taken a trip to shop for new school clothes and found great sales on day one of our trip. On day two, my husband and I decided to go back to the outlet to get a couple of things we needed since we had extra money. Naturally, our pre-teen cared about the new school year and his appearance, so he was excited to do some more shopping. And even though I explained to him multiple times, he didn’t need anything, he kept finding items to put in my arms at checkout.
At one point, I became exasperated and chunked my wallet at him and told him to get in line if he wanted those items that bad. I immediately regretted my actions. His face said it all– embarrassed, he walked out of the store and sat outside with his dad. I tried to say something to the clerk who saw my terrible actions and attitude and he just looked at me side-eyed like “yeah whatever lady.”
My husband wasn’t sure what happened but decided it was probably a good idea for all of us to go back to the hotel for a nap. My heart was so grieved. I took my bible and sat on the bathroom floor and cried. The clerk and other shoppers would most likely never see me again– but my son knew I was a pastor and my actions were completely contrary to any message he’d ever heard me preach.
As I sat there, the Holy Spirit led me to Psalm 51, the account of David’s prayer of repentance over his affair with Bathsheba. He said, “Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight— that You may be found just when You speak, and blameless when You judge” (Psalm 51:1-4).
These words pierced my soul. I made them my own prayer wondering how God could use someone like me. “Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me” (Psalm 51:11).
I knew this Psalm because I had looked at it many times. Verse 10 famously says, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Sitting on the floor of that hotel bathroom, I understood these words so much more than I ever did before. My witness had been tainted and my heart was so heavy.
As my eyes and heart took in David’s words, I came to verse 17: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.” As I read these words, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the cleansing blood of Jesus and His promise to forgive our sins.
Moments of influence
Fast forward about four years, I was speaking before a large audience and was prompted by the Holy Spirit to share this incident with the congregation. My son was now in high school and in the audience. Afterwards, I apologized to him assuming it might have embarrassed him. He looked at me and said, “Mom, I don’t remember that at all.”
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).
My time with God, and His Word, restored my soul– and my message. And this broken experience actually added to my message of faith, grace, love, righteousness, and forgiveness. Instead of hiding it, I can now testify of God’s faithfulness because of it.
And His faithfulness astounds me. From the lips of King David to the heart of my broken spirit, and all the centuries in-between and yet to come, God’s love has touched a countless number of lives. May we always remember we are God’s living message and audiences are still watching, listening, and learning– but it is our time alone with God that will add substance to our message.
